Embracing Change
If you could know how your life will turn out, would you want to?
Sometimes we think we want all the answers, just so that we don’t have to sit with the uncertainty of it all. This notion was brought to light in a recent book that I read (and highly recommend) called Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly, Awfully Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety. The authors discuss how, as humans, sitting with ambiguity can be terribly troubling, and in fact, anxiety producing and crippling. I am reminded of this as I prepare to move out of Los Angeles in less than a month. Granted, I’m not moving far and I’m going to a place quite idyllic (hello, San Diego!). Even so, a move, or any life change, is daunting. It often comes with many unknowns, from new streets, new sights, and new faces as well as many goodbyes. We are leaving behind our dearest friends, we won’t be a quick car ride away from family, and we might have to actually rely on Waze to tell us where to go (unless you’re like me and rely on Waze for a five minute drive).
Change also comes with new beginnings though—which are impossible to conceive when we’re at the threshold of closing one door. We can never know when we close a chapter how we may be enchanted by the future—things like meeting a new friend, garnering cherished new memories, or falling in love with a city could all be awaiting us. We can only know looking back how it all turned out. As I prepare to close the door on our apartment that we have loved for the past four years, I’m so thankful for the time that has been spent here. I think it’s only right that with an impending goodbye we become at least a little nostalgic. I’m reminded of how in these four years, we have gotten engaged and married, become parents to Mochi (our Siamese cat), I’ve graduated from my Master’s program and began—and almost completed—my doctorate (just one more year to go!), and my husband started working his first job out of law school. These have been foundational and formative years and we’ve made this place our home.
When faced with the unknown, we can choose fear or acceptance. We can play the “what if” game all day—what if I don’t meet any new people? What if (insert new experience) turns out horribly for me? But what if it turns out to be wonderfully amazing in ways that we can never know at this time? Sometimes it can be hard not knowing what your next five steps will look like, especially when it feels like you’re running a marathon. Sometimes we can only know what one or two steps lie ahead. I choose to rely on my faith and embrace acceptance as much as I can, especially in these unknowns. Easier said than done, I know.
One of my favorite supervisors says though, “Worrying does not change the outcome.” Indeed, this year ahead is unknowable. Like most things in life, it will probably feel like a roller coaster with some highs and lows. So why not put on some music, wear a seatbelt, and enjoy the ride?